I Am a Little Sad/Worried
What is going on with me?
I Am a Little Sad/Worried
I am a little sad/worried. I know a lot has happened these last few months, but this has shocked me a little and made me a bit sad.
Retaining Liquid
I know, that with my heart failure, you are retaining liquid faster than other people. Because of heart failure, your body will have difficulty removing the liquid from your organs. So it is easy to retain liquid. This is why, every day I need to weigh myself. If I gain 2kg within 2–3 days, I need to take some pee medication to get the liquid out of my body.
On Monday, May 8, in the evening, I had problems falling asleep. No matter how I lay down in bed. On my side or back, within 1–2 minutes, I had to sit up because I had problems breathing. After sitting up for a few minutes I tried again. The same thing happened. After 1–2 minutes I had to sit up again because I could hardly breathe. This went on for almost the whole night. I was slowly getting crazy and upset.
Over the whole night, I was able to sleep for maybe 2–3 hours.
The next morning when I got up and weigh myself, I saw I had gained 1.8kg in 24 hours. This is not normal and this also could explain why I was not able to sleep.
That morning I contacted the heart failure clinic to see what they had to say. As I expected, I had to take my pee tablets. In this case, I had to take them for the next three days. On Friday, if things did not improve, I had to contact them again.
The Next 3 Days
In the following three days, I took the pee tablets every day. The sleeping went better and I saw that slowly I was losing weight again. On Friday, things looked okay. But just to make sure, and also because of the weekend, I decided to take half a tablet and see how that would go.
It looked okay, but in the evening I noticed something again. Normally around 3:00 or 4:00, I always wake up. But then when I turn around, I could go back to sleep. Not this time.
Every time I lay down, I got the same feeling as I had on that Monday evening. After 2 minutes, I could hardly breathe again, so I had to sit up. It was like this for the whole weekend. I was getting tired of this. So, the Monday after the weekend, I contacted the heart failure clinic again.
Their advice was to take a whole pee tablet every other day. On that Monday, just to make sure, I took a whole tablet again. On the next day, I did not take any tablets. And guess what. I had problems falling asleep again. Again as soon as I lay down, within 1–2 minutes I could hardly breathe again and had to sit upright again. I also already tried to put some extra pillows, so my head and chest would be a little upright, but this also did not help.
The Following Day
The next day, as agreed with the heart failure clinic, I took a whole tablet and informed them that skipping one day was not working for me. And I would try it by taking half a tablet.
On Wednesday I felt okay. At the end of the day, my wife called me and asked me how I was feeling and if I would like to join her in the city and have dinner there. I felt okay, so I told her that I would take public transport and join her. I thought that I was able to manage this.
Oh boy, was I wrong?
I prepared myself and left the house. It is maybe a 1.5/2km walk to the tram stop. I did this walk many times in the past two months. When I normally reach the tram stop, I am tired but I could handle this.
Not this time. This time I was not able to reach anywhere near the tram stop. After maybe a 500–600 meter walk, I was really very tired and was breathing heavily. I could not walk any further. My legs also felt heavy. I rested for a few minutes and decide to walk back to the house again.
I felt really bad. Bad that I was not able to walk that distance. And bad that I could not join my wife for dinner. I almost had to cry. On the other side, I also was a bit angry with myself. Why could I not walk such a short distance? Why is my body having so many problems? Why is this happening to me, again?
Sad and a Little Depressed
So many emotions went through me. Anger, sad, upset, and depressed. Is this my new life? I am still “young”. Is it me, or maybe my pacemaker that is causing this? Or is my heart failure getting worse?
I tried to see if I could contact any emergency number from the heart failure clinic but I could not find any. I also tried to call them to see if there is maybe an answering machine with a special number. But nothing. So I called the GP emergency number. Just to talk to them, explain what had happened and maybe they could give me some advice.
I explained the whole situation and what had happened over the last two weeks. She told me that these are all symptoms of my body retaining liquid. I explained that I am not gaining weight and I am drinking less liquid than normal.
That I am not gaining weight is good, but my body is still retaining liquid. The advice they could give me right now is to take my pee tablets. It is a little up to me if I take a whole or half tablet.
What I do, for now, I will take a whole tablet. And see how this goes. Maybe I will just take a whole tablet every day. Next week I have a personal appointment at the heart failure clinic and will tell them my story and see what they will say.
And Now?
I am a little worried. I have no idea what is going on with me. Why suddenly I am retaining liquid? It is since that Monday, May 8, that I have had this. Why now suddenly? I did not do anything different than before. Is this all because my pacemaker is not working the way it should? Or is it my heart failure that is getting worse? Or is this still some after-effect from the pneumonia that I had at the beginning of this year?
I hope that when I have my appointment next week, they can tell me more.
I think, for now, I really need to take things easy.
As always, please take care and stay safe. God Bless.
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